Too Tired To Live

So basically everyday this semester I've been exhausted. Apparently it's an epidemic with the dance majors, all of my friends are going through the same thing. I hate it! From the moment I wake up I'm already tired and by my first class I'm exhausted. I used to be able to dance 8 hours a day and feel fine, but not anymore! I dance about 5 hours a day along with my other classes, and it's draining the life out of me. Last semester I partied almost every Thursday and now I just don't have the energy for that. I feel so old.

Today has SUCKED so far

This morning pretty much sucked. I found out that during the ballet class I missed yesterday they did a technique eval which is 20% of the total grade and so I basically get a zero for that. I explained to Ellie (teacher) that my alarm hadn't gone off, and the news last night said that 75,000 people were without power yesterday due to the fucking 50 mph winds, but she didn't care. So now making all A's is definitely shot, I'll be lucky now if I even make a B.

So after that I performed my modern pre-midterm phrase and I guess being upset about ballet got to me because I did the shittiest job ever. I hate that I let emotional stuff affect other aspects of my life like this, but I'm such an honest, open person who thrives on emotions and feelings so that's really hard. How can I separate myself from such a big part of me in order to dance well, when dancing in itself is extremely emotional and vulnerable. I need to learn to use my anger or whatever I'm feeling as energy to relate through dance. Damn what a shitty morning...

Very Nice Morning

I guess my power went out in the night or something cause my alarm never went off and I slept through ballet. Not the best thing, but oh well everyone could use the morning off. Now I don't have class until 12:30 (Jazz). Also it's incredibly windy, the news was saying something about record-breaking wind last night and I believe it. It's so strong it's making that whirring sound, but also the sun is out and I'm sitting in my room with the windows open a little so it's very nice. I haven't had a nice morning like this in a long long time.

I'm watching Celebrity Rehab which I have mixed feelings about. To some extent I like the concept of the show, but I mostly feel this is a serious matter that doesn't need to be televised. These people are going through horrible times and need to change their lives and having their every moment televised on VH1 can't be helpful. It does serve to help the public see the serious and raw nature of addiction, but I doubt many people will watch this that are addicts and change their ways.

Mostly I think this show is just interesting to people such as myself that have no addictions, and therefore isn't really helping the problem at all. I feel the same way about that show intervention, same concept. Sometimes things they talk about on Dr. Phil and whatnot when people are dealing with abuse and emotional distress, again I wonder if their problems being televised for the world to see can really help them. Sometimes it's good to air these issues to serve as a public service announcement, but for the most part these people could probably benefit more from private therapy or counseling.

A Whole New Year

So for the first time ever I made a New Year's resolution- to be healthier. I plan to cut out fast food and sodas, drink lots of water and hot tea, cut back on sweets and not snacking so much. I used to snack what seemed like constantly just out of habit and I've always had a major sweet tooth. I've done really well this past month and already feel better. With my knees still all screwed up I haven't gotten to work out very much (outside of my 15 hrs per week of dance) but hopefully I will soon. I'm also trying to work with portion control because I often eat way past being full because I don't wanna be wasteful but I know that's not healthy.

Future Goals: 1. Get healthier 2. Graduate in two years 3. Get married 4. Start having kids!!
Ah I have so much to look forward to, I can't wait! But also I'm enjoying the present.

I've been watching a lot of Law and Order shows lately that all have a main character who commits a crime 'because of TV/video games/music.' What bullshit. I enjoy watching Law and Order and shows like it as entertainment, but I've certainly never considered for one second committing a crime, especially one concerning hurting or taking from someone else (which seems to be the most sensational crimes). Now I agree that most of today's entertainment is vulgar and graphic, but as stable, sane human beings we should be able to watch and listen to these things while still understanding right and wrong. If someone commits a crime and they're mentally sane then that means that they knew it was wrong and did it anyway. All anyone has anymore is excuses for why they're never to blame. That is disgusting. Why does it seem like mankind is made up of mostly criminals or people who aspire to be? Whatever happened to love and morality?

Home Again

So I'm back in Denton, which is awesome. I love love love coming home to my apartment and having time to myself. Possibly next year or the year after I would wanna have roommates but for now living by myself rocks!

I'm watching Rock of Love 2 which is of course totally fake but very enjoyable. Pretty much about two weeks after the season finale of season one they started advertising season two, sad. I always wanna believe the star is really looking for love but I know it's all about reviving their careers. Does anyone remember that show Strange Love that Flava Flav and Brigitte Nelson starred in right after they did Surreal Life, I guess that show really kicked off the whole celebrity dating show craze. Seriously how many of these shows can they make?! Anyways they're still fun to watch...

First Blog

All right so I'm gonna try this blog deal, hopefully it'll be an honest outlet for my thoughts. I don't care who does or doesn't read this, that's up to you. I'm a pretty honest person and for the most part don't filter my words, although not everything will be on here since this is the internet! So here we go...

Well I spent the weekend in Austin. Pretty fun, except I was sick for most of Saturday (headache and stomachache:-( I also spent most of this past week sick, like most of UNT was, so that sucked. It wasn't a great start to the semester to already be missing classes in the second week. My goal is to make all A's this semester, which is attainable as long as my attendance is good, that's usually what takes me from an A to a B.

This upcoming week should be good, I have to write a critique of the Alvin Ailey dance show and do some small assignments but that's about it. I also have to start going to scene shop which will be a huge waste of my time. Ugh 60 hours a semester of manual labor for ONE credit hour?! Who comes up with this shit? Any hopes I might have had of getting a job this semester is definitely shot, with my 18 hours of classes on top of scene shop. At least I have a sweet gig set up for the summer- cashiering at a pool for the Austin Aquatics Dept. $10.50/hr and I hardly have to do anything! Dream job.

So I've been getting into My Fair Brady and reading Adrianne Curry's blog. Now that is an honest who-gives-a-fuck what I say kind of blog, which makes for good reading. I find it hard to put that much of myself out there though, she's brave. I think the concept of having cameras following your relationship around 24/7 is probably extremely destructive for the relationship and also just a crazy concept all together. If cameras followed Chris and me around for a few months they'd definitely catch some big fights that they would then manipulate into us suddenly being a horrible couple or something, but guess what after you've been together for over three years you're going to fight sometimes no matter what! I think the entire point of these shows is to show the drama and unhappiness that is inevitable, but never show the love. Not that I would ever be asked to do a show like that or any show lol, but I would never agree to it, it's a relationship ruiner. I feel like to a large extent our society encourages people to end their relationship and commitments to each other at the first sign of trouble. I also think our society teaches that if your relationship isn't happy 24/7 then it's not a good one. That is such crap. Relationships take work and I think what more couples should do is accept that not every moment will be happy but cherish those that are. Also I think if more couples went to counseling to try to save their union then relationships wouldn't be ending left and right. My parents are still married, as are both sets of my grandparents and I value that. I know not every relationship is meant to last but I think when you love someone you should take every effort to make it work.